i just google imaged poop.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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