No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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