I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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