Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
