Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
