I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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