Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
