I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
my poor anus
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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