Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
