They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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