Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
