You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
