kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
