i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
