Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
