Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
