Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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