Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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