You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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