haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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