I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
