I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
