Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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