Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
