come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
