her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
