What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
