beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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