you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
