Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
