Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
