Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
