He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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