He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
