***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
