Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
