His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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