clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
