I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
