so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
