People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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