Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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