Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
