maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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