wakey wakey hands off snakey
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
