I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
