I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
