Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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