If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
we should paint friendship bongs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
