My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
