Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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