David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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