hell yes lets make some ravioli
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
