just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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