if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
