Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
