So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
