dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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